


Thoughts of the Dying

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Major Character Injury, Open Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 23:00:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8179027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: For dying, Lance thinks, this isn't half bad.He's lying on his back with his head in the soft sand where the waves break, the waterline creeping up behind his head, then falling back to his chest. The blood seeping out his stomach is submerged in a few inches of water, and by the light of the stars he can see the red stains he's making in the water.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey I wrote this instead of updating my Haikyuu!! Fic. Yay. Go me.
> 
> I wrote this because I like hurting my gay fictional children :)

For dying, Lance thinks, this isn't half bad.

He's lying on his back with his head in the soft sand where the waves break, the waterline creeping up behind his head, then falling back to his chest. The blood seeping out his stomach is submerged in a few inches of water, and by the light of the stars he can see the red stains he's making in the water.

In however long he's been lying here, he's managed to realise that the tide is coming in, and he can feel the water reaching further up the beach with each wave. His best guess is that his mouth will be submerged in a few hours. Doesn't matter.

He'll be long dead by then. And, despite how he felt in the beginning, he's not sad. He knew when he became the blue paladin that he wasn't going to survive the end of the intergalactic war against the Galra. He tried to quash that thought, tried to tell himself that it would be okay. But in the back of his mind he always knew.

It was the main reason he was so reluctant to acknowledge his feelings for Keith. He had come to terms with the fact he could die well before then. But he didn't want to hurt anyone else. He didn't want to die and destroy someone he loved at the same time. But then there came a point where he couldn't deny his feelings anymore and then Keith felt the same as he did.

And it was perfect. For all the fear, for all the times they had nearly died in each other's arms, too often, Lance thought, Keith was a self-sacrificing bastard when it came to Lance, though he wasn't any better. It was made up for a hundred times over by the kissing afterward, the hugs and tears after battle. The times he ran his hands through Keith's ugly mullet, planting kisses on the back of his neck. The time Keith stayed up with him all night when he couldn't sleep because he was too busy thinking think of the family he left behind.

"Keith?" He says, voice raspy- "Are you there?"

He knows Keith isn't there, of course, and he knows there won't be a response. He's too far away from them, and no one will find him, the ocean will sweep him out to sea and they'll never find him. They'll never know what happened.

But still. He has to ask. He has to call for Keith, because otherwise he'll end up dying and he never even tried to talk to him.

"Hey? Keith. I don't know if this will record what I say, or if my voice is getting lost in space. But on the off-chance you can find a way to listen to this, here goes nothing- I love you.   
I love you.  
This doesn't even hurt so much now, and I'm sitting by the sea, and I'm under the stars. You always loved the stars. They're better here, they're everywhere. They're almost as beautiful as you, Keith. I wish you were here with me.

But you aren't. And even though I love you, I've got a two-inch hole in my stomach and I don't know how much longer I have. Not enough for anyone to save me, anyway.

I love you, Keith. I always have and I always will. I guess I never really believed in the afterlife, but when I'm burning in hell- I'll be sure to wait for you. Asshole."

Then he clicks off the com.

He has nothing left to say and he doesn't want Keith to have to listen to his last breaths, the raspiness then the harsh silence that is sure to follow.

He looks down at his body, the hole in his flesh. He has survived major injuries before, but this one, a huge hole that goes right through his side, but it looked most definitely, absolutely fatal.

It's not like he's never survived a should-be-fatal injury before, the healing pods have saved his life so many times. He's lost count of the times he's been carried, bleeding out in Keith's arms whilst Keith cried and whispered that it was going to be okay. But Keith isn't here now.

The first time he had been cradled in Keith's arms, unconscious after saving Coran from an explosion- had been nothing. A few months ago, he'd spent three weeks in a pod, after coming the closest he'd ever come to death. According to Hunk, it had completely killed Keith. He'd refused to sleep or eat and hadn't moved from his position in front of the pod until Shiro and Allura forcibly carried him away.  
\-------------

"Lance!" Keith shouted, "Behind you!"  
Lance had turned, but not fast enough, the Galra slipped a knife into him as he did, digging it across his stomach. Lance had screamed, and so had Keith.

He'd fallen to his knees, both hands clutching the wound, trying to hold the blood in. He'd heard a scream from Keith and as he looked up the droid that had hurt him lay in pieces across the floor.

"Lance," Keith said, breathing heavily- "are you okay?"  
Despite the pain, despite everything- Lance laughed "No, I'm not okay"  
"Okay, but can I see?" Keith said, squatting down to where Lance lay, putting a hand on top of his. Lance pulled his hands away for a second, and I pretended he didn't notice the way Keith gasped.  
"Lance? I think-" Keith fought the urge to vomit- "I can see your stomach. You just...um- keep your hands over it, okay?"

Keith spoke to Pidge, fear in his voice, and honestly Lance didn't blame him. It was the worst he had ever been hurt. However hard he pushed against the wound, the blood kept slipping through his fingers, coating his fingers and nails.

"Alright, Pidge can't get us here. We're going to have to use an escape pod- just let me carry you, okay?"  
Lance let himself be lifted up, and he couldn't stop himself from nuzzling against Keith's chest. He closed his eyes, trying to let the warmth and calm embrace him.  
"No. No, you don't, Lance- you have to keep your eyes open,"

Lance nodded and he did his best to keep his eyes open. He kept his eyes open as his vision swam in front of him, even as he lost his peripheral vision, watching his field of vision get narrower and narrower.

Keith stumbled slightly when he found a pod, forcing it open, protecting Lance's head so carefully, despite the rush he was in. Keith could see Lance begin to slip away, but Lance couldn't pass out, not yet.

"Just focus on my voice, Lance. Just focus on my voice"

The whole time, Lance knew Keith was crying. And that hurt him more than any injury ever could.

Then they were in the pod, and Keith's fingers fumbled as he tried to eject it, and even though his vision was swimming he could tell the Green Lion was waiting. He realised that his eyes were shut and his body was unmoving. Keith probably thought he was unconscious. He kept pressing kisses to the back of Lance's hand. He could feel himself drifting further and further away, the pressure on his neck of Keith's fingers checking he was alive fading- and the last thing he heard was Keith scream.  
\--------  
He'd woken up, stumbling out a healing pod, falling right into Hunk's waiting arms. He'd looked up, still disorientated.

"Hunk?" He said  
Hunk smiled and crushed Lance in a hug, "Oh my god, Lance! We thought you were dead!"  
"I- I- what?"  
"Here, here, sit down, buddy"

Hunk pushed him down onto the set along Lance to sit.   
"Okay, well you were fighting, right? And then you got hurt. Like bad. And we didn't think you were going to make it. As the third week came and went, we thought we were just prolonging the inevitable."  
"Wait, wait- third week?"  
"It was four weeks a couple days ago"  
Lance's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open- "Four weeks? I... Wow- Holy shit..." He looked around, aware of his surrounding for the first time, "Wait, where's Keith?"

Hunk smiled, and crushed Lance in his arms again. "I'll go get him"

It was Shiro that came first, crushing Lance in a big and asking him he was okay, if he really was okay.  
"Yes" he laughed, "Yes, I'm okay"  
And then there was Pidge, who came and threw themselves at Lance in a tight hug, and it caught Lance off guard. He wasn't used to Pidge acting affectionate.

He looked up, and he saw Keith standing in the doorway. He got up, a smile breaking on his face, and he looked toward his boyfriend, feeling his arms around him already. And he opened his mouth to speak-

"It's about time" Keith said from the door, eyes narrowed to slits.  
"Hey, Keith-"' Shiro said, a vague warning in his voice.  
"What? He woke up. He was healing from an injury he only got because he wasn't paying enough attention. And because he wasn't paying enough attention he was out for weeks and we couldn't form Voltron. And because we couldn't form Voltron, Shiro nearly died. So forgive me for not applauding you," Keith spat, hatred in his voice.

And then Keith turned on his heel and walked away. Lance tried to keep the hurt off his face, blinking the tears away. He looked up at Shiro, a question on his face. Shiro shook his head.

"What was that?" Pidge whispered, shocked.  
"I don't know" Hunk said, but he wrapped an arm round Lance, who was still unmoving. "He'll come round, Lance. It was hard for him, seeing you in the healing pod. It was over a week before he would even move away from your pod"

"Shouldn't he be happy?" Lance said, quiet hurt beginning to turn to anger.

"Yeah. Just give him time, Lance," Hunk said, and then quieter- "Your heart wasn't even beating. We thought you were dead"  
\----------

 

His injury was beginning to affect him, the stabbing pains now replaced with an ache that consumed his whole body and he was drifting in and out of consciousness. He let himself sink a little further into the sand and he looked up and watched the stars. He scanned his eyes across the sky, looking for the three bright ones, like Coran had taught him to. He looked a little higher, toward the dim one that was Earth's sun.  
\--------------------  
Coran had stumbled upon him in the middle of the night hunched over by a window, body racked with sobs. Keith was still with distant and cold, and he hated it. After he'd woken up, Keith had been acting like he had when they'd first met. He wasn't acting like his boyfriend anymore, he was acting like his enemy.

He was used to feeling homesick, there wasn't a night he didn't spend thinking about his family, but with Keith, he could talk about it. He could hold his hand and he could cry. On the nights where it was really bad, Keith would stay with him, keeping his arms wrapped tight around him until he fell asleep. It was okay when he had Keith.

But now he didn't.

He was alone with the crushing feelings that manifested themselves as the tears running down his face, his palm pressed against the window, toward the stars.

And that's how Coran had found him. Coran sat down next to him and reached an arm across Lance's shoulders.  
"You're homesick" he said. Not a question. A statement. "You miss Earth"  
Lance was silent for a moment.  
"Yeah" he said softly.  
  
Coran brought him through a mug of something hot. The taste was awful, but the sensation of the mug between his hands, the texture of it was comforting.

He sat down and cleared his throat. He held Lance's hand and held it up to the window.   
"You see these three bright ones?"   
"Yeah?"  
"Just above them-" Coran moved Lance's hand a little- "That one, That's your sun"

Lance pictured the people down on earth, and he reached out a hand to them.  
Lance smiled.   
"Thanks, Coran,"

He turned, hearing footsteps behind them. Keith stood in the doorway, holding Lance's jacket in one hand. Lance felt like the air around him had cooled massively. Coran shifted, clearly uncomfortable.

"I- I should go-" and he left the room.

Keith walked on shaking legs to Lance, and he handed over his jacket.  
"I'm sorry"  
"What?"  
"I'm sorry, Lance."  
"It's okay-"

"I love you and seeing you hurt- it killed me. I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat, I didn't do anything. I just waited. And we though you were dead. You were just stuck in limbo and it hurt. It hurt so much, you'll never know-"  
"Probably the same as emerging from a coma, and suddenly your boyfriend hates you and won't come near you" Lance regretted it the moment he said it.

Keith recoiled slightly and looked at his feet.  
"I'm so sorry"  
"It's okay- just kiss me already"

So he did.  
\-------------------

He can't see Earth, but he imagines he can, a perfect sphere of blue and green orbiting the dim star. He smiles up at the sky, raising a hand as if to reach out and touch it. He wonders if somewhere on Earth, his sister reaches up a hand to him. He doubts it. His sister doesn't know where he is, he just went missing one day. Most likely, assumed dead- but not by his sister. Maybe his mother, his father, brother- but his sister wouldn't think he was dead until she saw his body.

That's if his family even existed anymore. He's not the science genius of Pidge or Hunk, but he knew basic physics. He knew about the Theory of Relativity. He knew what it meant. Time dilation and all. He had no idea how fast the castle went, but with the amount of space they cover in such a short amount of time, they must be getting pretty close to the speed of light, which would mean by the time he gets back to Earth, millions of years could have passed. Millions of years could be passing back on Earth every minute.

Or maybe the science was wrong.  
He couldn't know.  
He wouldn't know until he got back to Earth and saw it. Not that he would ever get back now. No one would ever find him. He would die alone, a million miles away from anyone.

Away from Keith.  
Away from his family.  
Away from his friends.

He feels the darkness of the night get darker, everything he can see fading to black. There's pictures memories swirling around him, every and he sees his whole life passing before him, people and place. And Keith.

He's embarrassed about how many memories involve Keith, but he's dying, so he wouldn't need to live with it for very long. He sees himself with a red handprint on his face and he smiles at the memory of a hysterical Keith, apologising like crazy. They had fallen asleep together, wrapped in each other's arms. He had woken to the sound of Pidge's camera, he'd lifted his head, mind still blurred from sleep. The movement managed to rouse Keith slightly, but not enough bring him so awareness. Keith buried his face back into Lances chest and without thinking Lance kissed the top of his head. He felt the silence before he heard it and he felt his cheeks colour and Allura cleared her throat.

"So you two are finally being open about this now?" She said, and Lance realised that everyone could see them, everyone knew about it.

"What?" Lance said, and he was already cringing at what he knew he was about to say- "are you jealous or something, cause if that's-"

The flirting tone in his voice called Keith to awareness, which manifested itself as a slap across Lance's face.  
"Don't. Do. That"

And Lance laughed, apologised, though not as much as Keith did when he saw the red handprint he'd left, and even though he tried to laugh, Lance knew that inside it was killing him.  
\-------------

The darkness darkens, and suddenly Lance feels lighter, then he can feel nothing at all.There's just a pinprick of light in his vision and it calls him toward it. It grows and grows and he feels himself being comforted by it.

He hears someone call his name just before everything goes silent. He can't place the voice, but it sounds all too familiar. Then there's just a scream of pain and horror.

The sounds stop like a mute button.  
Then thought that carries him into the darkness.  
Keith.  
It's Keith.

 

**Author's Note:**

> He's okay. I promise. He gave Keith a damn fright thiugh and Keith won't let go of him or stop crying for weeks. But he's okay, he's back to his self-sacrificing self in a couple weeks. Do not worry.


End file.
